i loathe being read. i endure great discomfort whenever people feel they can [or have] predict[ed] my actions in a scenario. i guard my intentions, because i know that people can easily disregard or belittle a kind act when they become aware of [or think they know] the motive behind it.
you see it all the time. "this man helped feed a starving family [or village, or entire culture]," but he only did it for the fame. suddenly, saving humans from starvation is a misdeed. but then, you'd have to weigh the fact that an action brings recognition versus the presence/ absence of hope for receiving credit, which several people would not care to do. in our times, the media spreads "knowledge" of events worldwide in an instant, so people are learning about others' actions and judging both--the actions and the people--based on what [little] they know. and they talk about these actions and people as if they're just happenings in a book and they were required to write a report. but these--as far as they know--are real people and real doings, and unless they speak to the responsible people, they may never know the real motives.
do they care? no. does it matter? yes.
"It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit."
-anonymous
how many times i have been judged--my motive, my ambition, my heart--by people acting through anger, hatred, pride. recently, a good deed has become evil simply because i was the one found to have performed it; not rather that my heart, that someone's view of me, was benefited from the action, but that the action was discredited because of one's bias against me. as if any of us has the right to judge another person, when even on a "good day" we are aware of our own dual nature, the façade we wear, so that people cannot see what's truly underneath. and yet, some of us desire to receive this credit, this acknowledgement of a job done well, or done selflessly, or simply done, to know that someone else heard about it and perhaps was encouraged to act likely.
we like to fool ourselves into believing that people are inherently good, that it is a disorder for people to act evilly. murderers, thieves, frauds, liars and slanderers, weasels, loophole-abusers, law-benders and law-breakers, tyrants and despots, terrorists and suicide-bombers--such people upset the establishment, make life difficult for "good" people, those following the law--or at least the majority of it; and yet, these "good" people, the rest of us, are equally responsible for making lives difficult. we judge. we ignore. we forgo diagnosis and therefore treatment. and these actions are most often in regard to self!
we make our own lives hell. we hope that things will get better, but we do not act as though it depended on us. we want to be cared about by others, but we do not pay that attention toward others. sometimes, we need to be cared for by others, but where is our charity toward those "less fortunate"? some people push the adage "God helps those who help themselves"; i have no reason to believe this. if you're helping yourself, what do you need God for? we treat God as a crutch, a genie-in-a-bottle, something to use as we will. He hangs out in our pocket, like a handkerchief pulled out for a sneeze or a cough and then stuffed back into hiding until the next time we call on Him. so much wasted potential, remembering Him only in the bad times.
no, God doesn't help you when you help yourself. God doesn't promote your decision-making without His counsel. God doesn't gain glory from your claim to fame. we should rather be saying, "God helps those who help others." for that is what we're called to do, no? and that is what Jesus did, no? the sum of the commandments is settled in two: love God with everything in your being, and love each other (Mt 22.37-40). love. feel it, believe it, act it, live it; show it toward God, and show it toward others. when you are not loving, you are by default hating. when you are not supporting, not encouraging, not helping, not submitting, you are holding the door open for judgment, for focus upon motive, for belief that people are what they do and cannot change.
hatred blinds: it masks truth, it changes perspective. i do not believe in a good person, but neither do i believe in a bad one. an action may be, but the person i cannot know. if i should endeavor to know anyone, i would first befriend them [in my heart], then speak with them and learn what they have to say about themselves, knowing that they have no reason to trust me and they may not be completely open with me at first, and they may even be lying to me, yet i would continue to speak with them, day in and day out, as long as they would have me, because conversation is a lost art. we are prone to judge before we speak, and prone to speak before we know. i would rather know before anything else.
and this i know: no amount of conversation, no skill level of charisma, no discernment gained in experience nor wisdom received from God (Ja 1.5) will ever allow me to know a person's heart. God alone is Judge; that seat is not my place.
dani'El - the LORD is my judge.
post-script: i removed the quote's author for proof of point, but for those reading this, it is accredited to former president Harry S Truman.
post-post-script: Truman's middle initial is not an abbrev., and hence needs no period.
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