matters of life and death

for as long as i can remember, the mere thought of death has frightened me, made me tremble to the point where i'd do anything to get my mind on other things. i could dream about life after death, or even how i see myself dying, but the closer i'd look into it, the further my ideas would drift to the worst-case scenario: nothingness. compared to this, living meant having something to do; whether being busy or idle, i'd always be doing something. but the feeling of not living--nor working or playing, nor sleeping or thinking--brought utter fear to my heart.
my belief in God gives me refuge from this thought. and though this feeling still haunts me on occasion, it is not my reason for believing what the Bible says.

my life is not perfect. knowing where one's future lies does not change one's circumstances in life; struggles do not disappear, and things do not always go to plan. if a believer's life were free of hardship and pain, it would be easy to become attached to this world--something we are not meant to do.
life is a test: everything that comes our way (from job promotions to family members' deaths) has the ability to either draw us closer to or push us further from God, depending upon how we react to the experience. a worldly person would obviously view a certain scenario differently than one with his/her mind set above, but both persons have the capacity to react positively or negatively.
this suggests the existence of a conscience, and i can think of no better example than the personification of a devil and angel on one's shoulders. the devil in this case is Satan, ever trying to separate us from God; and the angel is the Spirit, telling us to think of the big picture. these two do not only exist when deciding how to respond to life's ups and downs, but also in mundane activities (how to spend free time, what to say in conversation, etc.).
it is every positive decision i've made, and hence my optimism--it is through experience that i believe the Bible, and it is through reading the Word that i understand life.
and it is through understanding life that i can sleep soundly.